The Party of Your Soul

How many of us have attended at least one party in our lives? How many of us have hosted at least one party? How many of us have cleaned up after a party?

I imagine these images are familiar to each of you. But how does a party relate to our psyche?

When Boundaries Disappear: The Consequences of Violation

Let’s take the scenario where we are the hosts of this party. What is more important to us? To satisfy the needs of our guests, or to ensure our house doesn’t suffer any damage?

As social beings, in our effort to make friends, connect, fall in love, and stand out, we often fill our lives with unknown visitors. To avoid being alone, it’s easier to let every “guest” trample our boundaries. No one comes to the party to be careful not to cause any damage. They come to have fun, drink, dance, stub their cigarettes on the floor, spill their drinks on the couch, use all the available glasses and leave them as extra decorations in every corner of your house, have sex in your bedroom, and vomit in your sink—if they make it. In this way, they might have a great time, and perhaps you will have hosted the best party! But how will you feel when the party is over? When you have to clean up the mess and restore order?

Boundaries as Protection and a Tool for Growth

The house is you! Your boundaries are the rules of the party. You decide how much you want your guests to disrupt your home. However, to feel good and enjoy this party yourself, you must first respect your own wants and needs.

Boundaries are closely connected to the notion of safety and protection in interpersonal relationships. They ensure mutual understanding and respect, allowing people to express their needs without infringing on others’ rights. Thanks to boundaries, we can clearly communicate our needs and expectations. If we paraphrase Katherine’s (2010, p. 14) words, a boundary is “a limitation or an invisible edge that defines you as separate from others.” Indeed, our skin serves as a boundary to indicate where our body ends. But what about interpersonal boundaries? We are the ones who need to shape them.

Finally, in systemic thinking, boundaries are important. Every individual is considered part of a larger system, where their actions and behaviors affect and are affected by others. Boundaries are essential for maintaining the balance and functionality of these systems.

In contrast, the lack of boundaries often leads to feelings of exhaustion, dissatisfaction, and conflict, while proper implementation promotes clarity and stability in every relationship.

Setting Healthy Boundaries: The “Dance” of Respecting Ourselves and Others

The rules of the party can be enforced whenever you choose. It is important not only for others to have a good time but also for you! That’s why it’s essential to listen to your “no” rather than others’ “yes”.

People who truly value you will respect the rules you set at your party because they want both you and them to have a good time. So, don’t feel afraid or ashamed to set boundaries. Boundaries are not barriers but tools for the development and empowerment of relationships, while also promoting the individual and emotional safety that will allow you to enjoy yourself in the end!